heroin, amphetamines, withdrawal, aftermath…?
Hello,
I will try to make it short… I got mixed with vicious, intelligent criminals… I liked to smoke marijuana socially and i think it all started when i met them first and i smoked a splif they made which was probably marijuana mixed with heroin. Then i started sniffing what i thought was cocaine but was actually heroin mix probably. Anyway i got manipulated into taking really big quantities of povders over the years. I was also being brainwashed all along as I’ve quit school and i was arguing with my parents allot. Anyway now i wake up every day in the world where i’m 20 years old, back in college, stooped seeing these people and i started being clean like 2 months. I moved from a big quantity to nothing from one day to another… I told my parents everything but they are not very supportive, they keep on telling me that my presence in the house is depressing and they don’t want to talk to me. I still live in one house with them. I am starting to lose balance and i wake up every morning seeing how i’m getting crazy, i am worried that in few weeks i will be unable to communicate with an outside world. I get occasional head ackes in different areas of my hed but mostly on back-left side. I vision is weird i can’t see normally ( i went to opticians, results- almost perfect sight 0.25) From outside i look normal, healthy but a bit sad. Inside i’m losing my mind!!! I went to see a gp but they just offer me painkillers and say that i look fine. I found out that some of my symptoms can be caused by spinal-cord related diseases. I didn’t get a chance to even start my life really and i already feel like a zombie. Suicide isn’t an option but i wish i still had a chance to get my life back. It all happened in 5 years, i am now sober and have no trouble with staying off things, i don’t smoke, i don’t drink alcohol but i feel as if i was dying every day, when i do excerise i feel as if i was burning my mussels… I tried everything i know could help, i will appreciate any suggestions, any sort of help. Thank you.
also i have problems with breathing and throat (swallowing is weird and uncomfortable) …
I guess my main questions are: what can i do to find out what is physically wrong with me and should i do excercise? would an mri scan of my brain be usefull or should i see a neurologist? In terms of mentality i’m a bit paranoid and can’t be spontaneous, i feel as if i had no personality anymore and i was just a reflection of other peoples feelings, should i see a psychiatrist? I think maybe a gp sees to many issues here and wants to save money by telling me im fine and its just paranoia? what can/should i do? PLEASE HELP!
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If you are back in college then there should be a student health center; start there. It should be free (or almost free) for full time students, and they will be able to tell you if there is a counseling center open (which would also be free). Take advantage of it!
Good luck
See a psychologist and join an addicts group. its normal what your going through, but you need support
It sounds like guilt.
However, the symptoms are very similar to Fibro-Myalgia, which is incurable. Even medication has side effects worse than the condition. Your past life has more than likely triggered the condition.
You now have to live with yourself and work within your own pain management thresh-hold. Don’t bother with illicit drugs, Don’t bother with alcohol. It will only make it worse because it is those products that made the condition appear, in your case.
In other cases, it is prolonged stress and inadequate nutrition that activates the condition.
I suggest you try to work it out with your parents. You will need their support later on when the ability to just get out of bed to pee will be an exhausting effort.
I agree with Maya you do need support in this especially if you’re not receiving it from your family. You need someone that can help you cope with your withdrawal symptoms and in a support group you would get to talk with people that are going through exactly what you are going through. By the way, i commend you on staying sober for the two months keep it up don’t let this beat you. I wouldn’t worry so much about the symptoms of a spinal-cord disorder. Your just experiencing withdrawal symptoms. Also, don’t feel as if you’ve lost yourself. The affect the drugs had on your nervous system can and probably already are unbearable, but if you keep fighting not only will you feel like yourself again, but you’ll feel a sense of accomplishment. As for your headaches, i do not suggest pain killers for them. i suggest food. Especially foods that obtain alot of carbohydrates like breads and pastas. These types of foods contain the appropriate amount of grains and sugars that will affect your nervous system and ease your headaches away. not white bread though. your breathing problem is probably caused by your past sniffing, what i suggest would be anytime you have free time where you can be alone, lay down put your hands over your head and while holding them there inhale deeply then on your exhale slowly bring your hands down then on your deep slow inhale bring them back up and so forth. repeat this for about 3 to 5 minutes and this not only will re open your nasal and chest cavities but could potentially help with the receptors in your brain which are causing your headaches. repeat this probably twice a day for about 2 weeks and see if you can tell a dramatic change in your breathing it may be difficult the first week but it will gradually become easy. Thats a yoga excercise designed to open the chest cavities. if swallowing is uncomfortable i suggest before you eat try drinking something hot. like hot water or tea, this will soothe your throat and allow swallowing to be easier, i also suggest gargling with hydrogen peroxide its very cheap you can buy it at any drug store even super markets. gargle with it like mouth wash and it will heal your throat 100%. i also would suggest against an mri scan it would be a complete waste of your time. it will not tell you what is physically wrong with you. and to be completely blunt, there isn’t. your body was mentally and physically dependent on the drug that which you now do not have. so in a sense your body is reacting the only way it knows how just like your brain is. your mind is making you paranoid and you’ve obtained a headache, just as your body makes you feel completely drained and almost tired. Before you go to a psychiatrist i suggest a support group. If it doesn’t work then pay for a psychiatrist. i also think that keeping a journal will be very beneficial to you. you can write whatever you want in it, draw in it, carry it with you and write something you saw that interested you, write your feelings, your physical symptoms, what you did that day, whats coming up. you can write absolutely whatever you want in it, but i strongly reccomend it. your body was dependent on a drug becaus you felt that it was something you could control. you could control how much you used when you used it who you got it from. so you felt like it was something you had a say over. let the journal be that one thing in your life. not only will it help you mentally with coping with your withdrawal but it will also help you physically stay aware of who you are. I’m aware i did not answer all of your questions but I’m positive what i have suggested should help you on a major scale.
Good luck.